Maybe I should change this to What the??!! Wednesday because I hear things that shock me and of course I want to share. Right. Yes. There are things that shock even me!
The other day a woman mentions that she is worried about losing her husband to a younger woman. In that – casual, “sort of”, I’ll just mention in passing – sort of way. Are you kidding me? Now, this really wouldn’t have entered my frame of reference at all except for the fact that I have heard this kind of thing before. That’s right. I have heard this MANY times recently and all from acquaintances. That’s right. I have heard this many times before. Right?! And from acquaintances. Not my best friend or a really close friends but just random other stay at home moms. Seriously?!
I am generally OK with people I don’t know telling me things that are generally none of my business but casually mentioning that you are worried about losing your husband? That is worrisome. There are a few things about this that worry me. First, I am worried about our culture. If people think this is a normal concern that your husband will reach midlife and feel the need to take off with a younger woman it is time to be scared. Second, I am worried that so many women are wandering around with such low self-esteem that they even think about something like this.
I think it is reasonable to worry that you don’t make your husband happy or that after X number of years you have both grown in different directions and you worry about what the future will bring. These things happen. These things people worry about. It shouldn’t be often but there are times when it is a concern worth serious thought. But I don’t think it should be reasonable or acceptable to think that your husband would be interested in taking off with a younger woman. Guys are simply not that dumb or shallow. Well, right. Not ALL men are that dumb or shallow. I could name a few that are but we will get to that some other time.
Why? Why do I think that a middle age man wouldn’t want to take off with a younger woman? Believe it or not, some men actually have some self-respect. Along with self-respect comes the desire to actually have a life partner and not just a hottie to have sex with. (I’m not saying that men don’t have momentary lapses and think something sketchy about a young woman passing by, but really ladies, many of you do too. I saw the lines for Magic Mike. Need I say more?) Let’s also be realistic. When you were a young hottie did you see the older man as a catch? Maybe for a while until you realized he was just too old to have fun and was way too serious all the time. (He was actually on the right track for his age which is super boring if you are in your 20’s.) Or if he was really fun and acted 30 years younger than he was it might have seemed a little, well, creepy. Right. So most “normal” guys actually want someone they can relate to and enjoy spending time with and not just for … that stuff. (Seriously, a 20 year old would never get my husband’s 80’s references and that would seriously reduce his interest in that 20 year old.)
So don’t worry that your husband will take off with someone younger because you are no longer fresh out of the mold and you think you might be reaching your expiration date**. Worry about your differences and worry about your relationship but don’t worry about the baby sitter. From what I hear you might have to worry more about his friend’s wife but that is another story…..
**It is an AGE. It is not a sell by date, an expiration date or any other random thing. It was actually invented by marketers to determine the best way to sell you stuff. It means NOTHING.